Has there ever

been a time in your life when something happened and you will never forget it. And I don't just mean forget it... I mean you remember what you were wearing, the feeling in the pit of your stomach, you can still taste the awful taste in your mouth, feels the burning sting of the tears rolling down your face. Have you ever had a moment where something happened and you knew you would never be the same?

I was wearing my super cute pointed toe black sling backs, a black tank top, my blue jean maternity shirt, and khackis, I was feeling rather good that morning. I remember going to the US and watching the doctors look.... and look.... and look...................................................................

in silence.

I remember the silence. Silence is fear for me now. Anytime anyone in the medical profession is silent it is NOT good.

silence.

I remember the nurse. The AMAZING compassionate nurse. I can still see her face in my mind. I remember one doctor, two doctors, THREE doctors... all in the hallway talking. I remember totally loosing it... Crying to the point where my chest hurt and realizing something was NOT RIGHT.

I remember being so numb that I could not even FEEL the amnio needle... and lying stiff, still as a board nut because I was afraid but because I could not physically move myself.

I remember sitting in Dr.Y's office and thinking... I can't do this... I couldn't look anyone in the eye... and I am a firm believer in eye contact... I remember staring out the window and thinking... what do I do now.

I will never EVER forget that... it plays over in my head like a bad dream. But it wasn't a dream. It was reality. It IS reality... and I remember it every single day.